Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower. Matthew 13:18

Matthew 13:19-23
When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.
But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.

Tonight I sit on my bed with my half retarded Chromebook, Ladybug nestled on my lap as I do every evening. A half drank and very chilly cup of coffee sits on my nightstand collecting dust bunnies. Never gonna drink it. My water is within arms reach but I must confess it is a last resort. Honestly, until I started to blog, it was not really on my mind of top priorities. Upon sitting down, I had no idea what I was going to write. I know what should be done but I just don’t have the heart to do my Bible study. My eyes wandered around my room only to land on all my unfinished projects. So many are the projects that need finishing that to write them all out would be endless and the to-dos are an ever growing list. There is always something to be done, though the task will be either something fleeting or something lasting. Up until last week my idea of what that meant was very different from what it is now. For now, all my unfinished projects remind me a lot of myself. Nothing is going to change unless I take the steps necessary for it to happen. AND it also reminds me that the Lord is not finished with me yet. I am a work in progress, an unfinished painting, a story unwritten and my God works all things for good for those that love Him.

Over the last six years I have been learning to forgive on the same level as Jesus(though I have not made it there) and He has been leading me down a road of letting go of this world. Let me tell you, I did not take this with grace. It has been ugly and for the longest I was lost in the Bog of Despondency over the way I have handled this testing by fire. I had no idea how to dig my way out of the mess I have gotten myself into. Somewhere I had lost myself and I didn’t know how to stop it. I was really struggling with the past and letting go of the things I had done. But then someone said if you have grief in your heart over sin that is evidence of the Holy Spirit working in you! That was the best news I have heard in a while!

I had tried.

I had given my all.

I had wept and cried.

I had worked so hard.

There is no “I” in Jesus.

There is only one hero in this story and that is the Lamb of God Jesus of Nazareth. There is nothing we can do to save ourselves or work our way into the kingdom. I didn’t realize this is what I was doing or maybe I did but I didn’t understand the depth of it and it caused so much pain in my life. Someone once said that no matter how far away we have walked from Jesus or how mad we are at Him… really we are mad at a lot of things but not Him… all we have to do is turn around because He never left us… even when we thought we were going it alone.

As I said, the Lord has really been opening my eyes to a lot of things in my life.

1:) There are things that are important and people that are important and then there are those that just are not. Please don’t misunderstand me, I mean them no ill will by any means, however, Proverbs says over and over again that you cant reason with a fool and by doing so we make ourselves out to be the foolish ones… um no, no thank you.

2:) To be content with the way things are. Period. I love the fact that the Lord gave me my sisters. Both in birth and in re-birth! However, it was my lil’ sis that helped me with this one. It is one thing to know that God does not make mistakes and that all of us were born exactly when and where we were meant to be. It is another to accept that as a reality and to tackle the trials and tribulations that lie ahead. I felt like Jonah, he didn’t want to do what God told him to do (different reasons but the same attitude.) Having lived a Death and Dooms day existence all my life and always planning for the future… the very idea of letting go and letting God’ seemed absurd. Though I have to admit I had no idea I was holding on to the need to “know” the plan.

3:) Last but most definitely not least is this; Enough is enough. Let the Holy Spirit have His perfect way in me. Stop fighting Him and let go and live for Him and His glory alone! The past is the past and the future is not. All we have is this day that we are in. I am not here to cast the first stone and I am not here to do a great many other things but I do know that I am to lead my family into a closer walk with Jesus and I am to manage the gifts that God has given me and I am to do it day by day. My husband helped me with this one. He is much wiser than he understands. He has shown me what the love of Jesus looks like and he didn’t even know he was doing it.

Matthew 7:6
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

For me this verse means a vast array of things but we will focus on the toxic trio that has dominated my life.

1:) Concern that others will betray me. Trust is easily given, easily lost and impossible to regain as I am learning. I give this to Jesus and I know that He will bring beauty from ashes. I have caused a lot of unnecessary heartache to both my family and myself with my inability to forgive others and mostly myself.

2:) Concern that others will not like me. This is something that has been a sad truth in my life or has it… Honestly I used to think that not being liked was a bad thing but the truth is it’s not, unless it applies to God and He loves us all so. Not all of us love Him is the sad part and none of us love Him enough.

3:) Concern that I will not make EVERYONE happy. That I will not be able to fix something or some problem that comes my way via another person or event. That I will say the wrong thing and that I will do the wrong thing and disgrace the Lord’s wonderful name further. But the truth is like my Big sis said we are not those same people. We would never make those same choices if faced with the same troubles again. She is right of course, though if she knows it might make her head swell. It’s not often a lil’ sis admits wrong… so mums the word.

The days are indeed dark ahead of us but if we rest in the Lord and allow Him to guide and direct our steps we will have all that we need each day to do what the Lord needs us to do. For me that means something different than for you but the outcome is still the same… the perfect work of God transforming you into the person He wants you to be. He is our God and we are His servants. There is no perfect will of God against the permissible will of God. There is no “plan B” for your life. You are exactly where you are because that is where God knew you would be. Yes we all make the choice but He knew precisely where to find you and what He was going to use you for. Allow Him to work in you as the potter does the clay.

Forgiveness is key and also hard to do if you forget how much the Lord has saved you from. We need to be loving one another, helping one another, protecting and working with others. Each day find something to do for someone else just for the sake of doing it. Because that is who we are. We are peculiar people set aside for good works, Ambassadors of the Most High God! Let us walk in the love that the Lord gave us! Remember the world hates the light and therefore it hates you because its deeds are evil. Most people are happy the way they are and don’t understand that they are blind, deaf and naked. For those of us that are following after the Lord with all our hearts, remember we are all sinners saved by grace!