Psalms 51

Psalms 51:1-19
(To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.)

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

When the Father showed me who I had become… it was ugly and now I fight with regret over time that could have belonged to the Lord. At times it is overwhelming and I feel the weight of those lost years wash over me like flood waters. We all want to have joy in this life and happiness. None of us want a life of struggle and pain or want. Humans are comfort creatures, we like the things that make us feel good. Which is why the tricks of the devil are so smooth… they make us feel better. But that happiness and joy are short lived no matter where you seek the comfort from. A spouse, Children, Work, Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Music, Entertainment and so on. They all bring comfort, happiness and joy for a moment.

Jesus brings a different kind of joy and happiness. Through developing a relationship with Him, you learn contentment, there is a peace that passes all understanding and a lasting joy that is hard to express in words. It is not rooted in anything earthly, it is rooted and grounded in the truths of the Most High God and therefore is hard to explain. I admit this happiness and joy that are found in Christ are still relatively new to me. Yet, at the same time they are not. I have said and will continue to say that I fell away from my faith horribly and because of this, the simplicity of the faith was lost to me for a time. This blog ended up being a major part of my healing and it too has been messy but that’s life.

Allow Patience its perfect work…

I am not good at waiting. It literally is the worst to me. Waiting on the Lord to move can be the most frustrating of all things. For me, it is the “not knowing” what is going to happen and how it is all going to work out. I want to know every detail of the road ahead so I can plan accordingly. I do this with road maps as well. I follow the road the entire way and plan out the details and get to know the layout of the roads. I need this information to make an informed decision on what lane to be in or the exact location of the exit and everything about it. This way nothing surprises me and I am not caught off guard by anything along the way.

However, life does not work this way. There are so many paths our lives can take and many are the trials and tribulations that come our way. They come in all shapes and sizes and from all areas of life. When they came my way, instead of trusting the Lord to work all things out according to HIS will, I tried to take control over my circumstances. Needless to say it failed and one poor decision led to more poor choices. Before I knew it, I was swimming in an epic sea of life failures. I did not wait on the Lord to bring about all the desires of my heart. Which, if I had been patient, been still and waited, I am sure the desires of my heart would have changed and matured over time. They would have been like a fine wine, aged and refined by the hands of time and the work of the Holy Spirit.

I have found that trusting the plan that the Father has for you and not trying to change it or manipulate it, is harder to do than to say… by thousands of miles. It has been one of the hardest things to do for me… ever. I came to Jesus and knew I needed my life fixed but I didn’t actually want to trust Him with anything. I mean yeah, I wanted Jesus in my life but I could handle this stuff on my own. The thing is I cannot do this on my own. Not even a little bit and I am okay with that.

I do not know what mountains stand in your way or the memories that are waiting to be yours in the coming years but I know that if you trust the Lord to direct your steps and do not try to have your own way (He is not Burger King) things flow together, even the bad things. There is a peace that passes all understanding in that place. Rest for the weary soul. A place to lay down beside still waters and drink in the Son. He is with us every step of the way, even if we cannot see all the different surprises that are headed for us. That’s the point, if we could see all the different things coming, we would have no need of faith.

I will leave you today with the verses below and an open apology to the person who read this post when it was not finished, may you be led back to this post if it is the will of God.

Isaiah 40:28-31
[28] Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
[29] He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
[30] Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
[31] But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 64:4
[4] For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.

1 Corinthians 2:9-10
[9] But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
[10] But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.