Hello brothers and sisters, I am so very glad that the Lord has seen you through another day and back to me and my random thoughts.
I know that some of us will not want to hear this but it is true. We as mothers control the emotional state of our home. This requires a different kind of sacrifice, an extremely sacrificial sacrifice. Comparable to the cross, only not so meaningful on such a large scale or of such importance. However, motherhood is one of the most important things you can do in this life. The ability to bring life into this world was only given to us as women contrary to popular opinion here in America. We were given one of the most important jobs on earth. Not to undermine men in any way but we are not talking about them. They have enough responsibility of their own and fathers are still involved in their children’s lives but not the same as a mother. We are the ones that manage a home and care for the children whatever that may mean in whatever season we are in.
Some of us have no children, some have little ones, others have the “teenager” and yet some of us, our children have moved on to lives of their own. I want to take a moment to address those of us that can’t have children. I have seen the bitterness and sorrow that can fill a woman when she can’t have little ones of her own. I cannot even begin to understand how that must feel but I do know this, you are still a mother.
Here me out, according to childrensrights.org there are almost 500,000 kids in foster care at any given time. Over 600,000 kids will enter foster care yearly with only 34% being placed with relatives. That leaves a lot of motherless children. No, they didn’t come from you but none of us belonged to Jesus when we first started out. All I am saying is there are a lot of kids that need love, that need to be raised in the love and understanding of God. Even if the Lord has not opened your womb does not make you less. It means that He can see inside of you and knows that you are capable of loving the unlovable. No one wants those kids and the longer they have been in foster care… the less people want them.
This is because the system will mess a child up and no one is there to show them that they are indeed loved for who they are and not where they came from. This is something all of us want and need. They need a person to show them that God will not give up on them. One person can mean a whole different world for someone else. We all want this if we get right down to it. Someone that loves us… not because we are good or bad but just because we are us. The world will turn all of us away unless they can benefit and no one gets anything from a lost child or person.
That being said, I don’t know if any of the rest of you wake like Marry Poppins and put the children to bed as Cruella DeVille but I do. Every morning I wake up and spend time with Jesus and I talk with the Father and the mornings are good. I wake the children, plan the day, and start working on the things that need doing. There is a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I rest in Jesus for about half the day and then… boom… I do a 180 and turn into Cruella. This does not happen all the time but there are days. I could have everything planned out and something will happen to derail my plans for the day… mostly my children happen.
I say this but I must remember that they are made in the expressed image of God. They are a blessing to my life and gifts from God. So why does it hurt so much to be a mother? We can do all the right things, give love, be understanding, be actively training our children and caring for them with all that we are and somehow they still rebel against us. I have been a mother for a long time now and still get hurt by the things that my children can do or say.
Does this remind you of anyone? This horrible rebellious mindset. They must get it from their father… I mean grandma… yeah. Wait… this reminds me of another story. I think this is the game Adam and Eve played with God in the garden?
Adam: This woman you gave me!
Eve: The snake tricked me!
I have been in the Fathers shoes – kinda – I have had to do this very thing with my own children. I walk into a room and find things unsatisfactory and ask the oldest why… and I always end up at the youngest as the blame rolls down the ranks. None of us like to take responsibility for our actions. Even the ones that will own their actions or words will tell you there is a degree of fear that goes with owning up. In the end however, the truth is better than a lie.
With this being said, the truth be told like the title, we are the heart of the home. We are responsible for the mood and emotional health of our home. There is an old saying “if mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” or “happy wife, happy life.” The idea is to keep the wife happy and the whole house will be happy… this leaves the responsibility square on the fathers shoulders. I personally have never met a man that was better at running a home than a woman… I mean no disrespect to those that can… there are women that can hold down a job better than some men do so… the truth is I am honored to serve my family.
Mom makes everything better and it does not matter what it is. She is the one we run too for all our needs and if we cannot do that and that mother is not there in the ways we need her to be… we feel that loss. Just like men do if they have no father to model their life. Thank God we have Jesus to model ourselves after, He is the perfect example to follow and He is without flaw.
That being said I have been a realist all my life. Some things are just set in stone for me and because of this I wrongly felt like they should be that way for others as well. I could not understand why it was that I thought differently then others did on a range of topics and because I was the only one with those deep held ideals, I figured I must be wrong in my ideas on how a person and family should conduct itself. This Is where I went wrong. I was not firm in my life and the world swayed me one way and another time after time.
The truth is I was right in the sight of God… mostly… just not in my heart. I didn’t know it because I was following what my mother had taught me to do. I was always so bent on proving her wrong that I had to raise my youngest children a new “better” way. This ended in disaster. I walked away from the biblical way of raising my children and didn’t even know I had done it. Let me tell you the difference in the two generations of children is stark. One of the hardest things I have ever had to learn is that living in the “used to’s” of life does nothing for you. It does not matter what you did in the past. What matters is what you are doing now and what you will do tomorrow. If you find yourself in the same place I did… just ask Jesus to forgive you and go and sin no more.
Now the trick is to own up to my actions, take responsibility for where I have let things go for too long and for the areas that I didn’t know any better. The hardest part was forgiving myself for my laziness. I have let a lot of things go as a child of God, a wife, mother and as a woman. Some are not that important while others are of high importance but I feel they all play a role in the overall health of my family. One of the things I have to work on is to stop putting things off til the last moment. This is a horrible trait.
As I said above, we are the heart of the home. I have had to learn this the hard way. If I allow the world or the devil to mess with me, if I allow a foot hold for him to grab and I take my eyes off the Lord, I will have a horrible day and so will my family. Yes, my husband has an effect on our home as far as his emotions go but for most, dad goes to work and mom stays home. This is true in our home as well and this leaves me in charge of the home and children. If I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, if I try to do everything to the glory of God and not to my satisfaction, and I rest in the peace and love of the Father… my day goes by so much better and so does my family’s day.
Sometimes I don’t get all the things done I thought I would but I still get a lot done. I have learned that my plans have to be subject to change and to just deal with what comes my way on an individual level. Jesus was right when He said to just worry about the day because it has enough of its own troubles. This sounds pretty to say but when you apply this to real life it looks a lot different.
What does it mean for us to truly live in the day?
Would it be simpler to as a Christian to live life moment by moment?
As a mother, how would this affect our daily life with our family, away from home?
As a man, how would this affect your daily life with your family and at work?
The most important thing for me right now is making sure that my family knows that I love them in all the ways a mother says that. I cringe at the thought of walking around my house belly aching and moaning about having to do the house work or the cooking… I have done it and yes, it makes me cringe… like fingernails down a chalk board…
I want my family to know that I love them. I cook for them because I love them, I clean things because I love them. The laundry, sewing, gardening, canning, butter making and dreams of a homestead are acts of love towards my family. Whether it be for the ones I am raising now or the ones they have in the future. All of it is for them. In my effort to teach my children responsibility and not wanting to apply the rod, I spoiled the child if you catch my drift. Because of this I have had to learn a new level of patience for myself and for my family and none of it would have been possible without Jesus.
The truth is I used to love doing these things for my family. It came naturally to me and then I let the world in. learning to do these things all over has been a rough, long and tiring road but it has been worth it. Living in the past only gets you so far and though they are lovely memories, we cannot live there. For better or worse we have to let go of the things that were and grab hold with both hands the things that are. Some of us have lost children in one way or another… gone is gone if they are not with you… some of us may be feeling like we failed as mothers… while others mourn the inability to have children… whatever the reason you are feeling poorly as a mother… understand this;
Each day is a new day to be all the things the Lord made you to be. If you feel like you are failing as a mother – first check yourself before you wreck yourself. You might be being too hard on yourself and living in the realm of perfectionism. This is no place for a mother or father to be living. Forget what the world tells you about being a parent and look at what the Father tells us in Scripture. I am learning there is a big difference. – Also, life happens. Let it.
It’s not the end of the world if the house does not get cleaned the whole way or if your little helpers are less than helpful. Life is not going to stop if you have left-overs for dinner… again. It’s okay if little Timmy found that pack of 84 different colored permanent markers and now the bedroom, the dog, and two of the three cats all have multi-colored fur. Somehow every point on the hedgehogs quills are a different color and your child looks like a rainbow has thrown up all over them.
In these moments you can wonder if you have it all together, it is not like they come with instructions – but I promise if you lean on the Lord, you will get through them. Some of our problems are so much worse than this but the end result is still the same, rest in Jesus and try your best to handle all things that come your way on an individual level…as Jesus would have… it has been working for me. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but every day is a new day to follow victoriously after the Lord and to give Him glory and honor in the way I manage my home.
Until next I write, hang in their mamma, you’re doing just fine! I love you so very much and in case no one told you today… you did a wonderful job today, rest and focus on giving those troubles to Jesus for the day. Tomorrow is a gift, look forward to using it to the glory of the Father! As always, stay peculiar!